But this is my very first boyfriend from highschool..I dated him on and off for 10 years..then I got anorexia and I had to stop being with him in order to heal by body..and he could not handle me alomost dying since in your 20's what can you really understand about an illness that took me years to overcome..so, he got sad, mad and angry at me and my illness and married 6 months later to his sister's best friend..she was in the house all the time and it was easy for him to grab onto someone else..now, after all this time has passed I lobby congress for mental health rights so that I make sure no one suffers the way that I did..I am a strong, beautiful independent woman working in music..the passion he and I shared stayed with me and music always fed our souls..I live in the west village in NYC and have an amazing lovely life..except..as a Buddhist I chanted to come full circle and after a trip to India, there he came back to me in 2 days time..I never thought he would show up again out of time..we went to dinner..we kissed and that was 2 years ago and now..in love beyond belief..and he started to go to therapy to see if he could leave..and he can't..he is so very very weak and so very very much the same as he was back then..and me, I am Now the woman I always wanted to be and am happy..but so completly in love with him and have never loved another like this my whole life..it is destiny of some sort or maybe it is time for me to take action in my life and change our Karma and mine..Karma is actions based on past deeds..good or bad deeds..and now, I chose to be with him so there is something I need to change..something I need to do in order to be free from the chains of his married life..of his need to stay stuck in fear of destroying his children and upsetting his wife..he loves her as the mother of his children..but in love with her..to me, to him, no..he just has hard time admitting anything yet he is having a relationship with me..not just an affair, but a relationship..finacially somewhat supporting me..friendship wise for sure..yes, all of that..but, he leaves after the wonderful lovemaking..he leaves to go get into bed with her and how does he do that..I am out and about all the time with friends, guys, girls haning all over at the best places, doing events, staying connected and I know he admires me and loves me..I have tested him so many times..he never fails..but he is not leaving either..but if I believed him 2 years ago when we thought we were just having fun and some unrequited love..and then we fell madly in love again..then why should I believe him now..he regrets not waiting for me all those years ago..and now, when we have a second chance at a firts love..he is going to regret staying in his home with her come 5 years when kids go to college..and me, I don't want to be sitting around single..I want to be with someone..him..all the time..build a life..my Dad, he is my Dad..my Dad did the same thing and turned to me for support and I gave it to him..and my man..he was my boyfriend at the time..and then my Dad, after 9 years of an affair, he left my mom and has been married to this wonderful woman ever since..I love my step mom and my Dad should have left years before he did..but he stayed for us, which was the worst mistake ever..and now, my Man, I try to show him the same thing..it is indictive of the anorexia..only taking small bits of pleasure..when I deserve the whole of it all..this, it is the karma I need to change..and, I will..somehow ladies..it is not about them..it is about what you are willing to accept for yourself and look at that first, get therpy and help..and then see if you are able to stay in the relationship..chances are you will find your self worth of the highest amount and also try chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo and your life will change in the direction it is supposed. I am determined to change my Karma with this love of my life who showed up again to me..from 16 until now..and change us so we can exist together in this life time..and grow old together..
Love..it is magic and medicine and torture..we decide..not them..
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