Hello tara alcantara,

Hope you are doing well. I've missed you all this time. The past month has made me realized how precious you are to me. You are the most wonderful person I've ever met. I can't thank you enough for all you've done for me. I don't know what I've would have done without you. Today is Thursday, July 31, 2003, I am riding the BART home, Its 8:58pm and I am at the rockridge station as I am writing this email In my laptop. I wanted to write how I am feeling right now, and fortunately I brought my laptop with me. Anyway, as I was saying, this last two years Have been the best years of my life, I never felt as happy as when I was with you.

I do admit that the last year have been tough on you, but I am glad you Didn't give up on me, you can never understand how much difference you made Coming over after work visiting me. I understand now why I was sometimes such A jerk to you when you would sacrifice sometimes picking your mom up from the BART to see me, It was because I was spoiled, I guess deep inside I thought You were going to be more patient with me so I took that for granted.

I've missed you so much,(I think I already told you that)… but I really do. I spoke with amy today, she mentioned you and asked if I had hurt you, I told her no, I don't know if you told her or not, but if you did, I would Understand, it good to talk about what's inside.

As I am writing this, I am also wondering what are you doing right now, I bet you're at home, feeling crappy because of me. Man, my hurt is hurting right now, I know I can't call you right now, I wish you were here with me, you always make me feel good inside. You always understand me, and understand how I feel.

I don't know what's going to happen after next week, I wish things Were the same with us…I will never loose hope, I still have hope that Someday, we will be together again, like before. But if it doesn't happened I will also be glad that I had this beautiful experience with you.

Today as I was waiting for the BART, I was thinking about you, how you used to call me from the BART when you were going to school. And I started to look at the panorama, all those housed up in the hills, All the people in the bay area, and I was asking myself, 'is this why I felt in love with this city', But then I immediately answered myself "no, I felt In love with this city because of you". But then my brain said,,"well, when I first came, nonluck and Roselin showed me san Francisco" Then I said" true, but it was because of tara that made the biggest impression"

You know, sometimes when I am bored, I drive to san jose and I go back to that place Called "polysters", around there, there's this parking lot where I was on that day that we all went Dancing and I got upset at you for avoiding me…. I want to remind myself how crazy I was for you. And everytime I see that corner where I sat in the middle of the night, in the dark, my heart Beats for you.

I am arriving to the Pittsburg stop now so I have to stop writing, but I don't want to stop With letting you know how much you mean to me. you will always own my heart. I know when I am 65 and if you are not with me, I am going to shoot myself for causing All this pain to you. I want to see you happy, I want to see that spark I saw in you when I met you. I haven't seen that wonderful spark in you for a long time.

i will continue to write more tomorrow, but if I don't, please know that I love you, I always did, and always will.